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Archive for the ‘Media & Entertainment’ Category

Move Over Jaws!

Tuesday, July 30th, 2013

First there was “Sharknado” an epic tale of a freak hurricane that hits Los Angeles, causing man-eating sharks to be scooped up in water spouts and flooding the city with shark-infested seawater. Now there is “Ghost Shark”, not to be confused with “Ghost Dad” starring Bill Cosby. I can see how you could get the two confused and think they were one in the same, but I assure you they are entirely different movies. The premise for “Ghost Shark” goes a little something like this.

Last Fourth of July, teenager Christy Bruce disappeared from a high school beach party. Her severed arm washed ashore a day later. Drunken sea captain Blaise Shaw became a hero to the small seaside community of Harmony after killing the great white shark that was deemed responsible, but the Christy Bruce murder was no shark attack. Blaise turns to ghost hunter Ava Conte, who is skeptical but intrigued by his ghost shark ramblings. With preparations for a massive July 4th celebration rapidly approaching, they soon find themselves embroiled in a conspiracy of sex and murder involving the town’s wealthiest and most powerful citizens. Unprepared to contend with a Ghost Shark that can hunt on land, sea, as well as anywhere there is enough water or rain to sustain its phantom form, Blaise and Ava must uncover the truth about the towns dark past or fall victim to the Ghost Shark.

Intrigued? I know I am! Make sure to set your DVR to record this cinematic masterpiece premiering August 22, 2013 on Syfy. And because I know you all cannot wait that long, here is a teaser to wet your noodle.

Luke… I am your Father! Now get a haircut!

Monday, July 1st, 2013

For those who know me personally, I am a huge nerd. Proud of it too. One of my many nerd loves is Star Wars and I was shocked to see that Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back where Luke finds out Vader is his father was heavily edited. Here is the dialog in its entirity. It’s a bit long, but a good’un.


A furious lightsaber duel is underway. DARTH VADER is backing LUKE SKYWALKER towards the end of the gantry. A quick move by Vader, chops off Luke’s hand! It goes spinning off into the ventilation shaft. Luke backs away. He looks around, but realizes there’s nowhere to go but straight down.

Darth Vader: Obi Wan never told you what happened to your father.

Luke: He told me enough! He told me you killed him!

Darth Vader: No, Luke… I am your father!

Luke: No. It can’t be. That’s not true. That’s impossible!

Darth Vader: Search your feelings Luke… you know them to be true.


Darth Vader: Yes, it is true… and you know what else? You know that brass droid of yours?

Luke: Threepio?

Darth Vader: Yes… Threepio… I built him… when I was 7 years old.

Luke: No! … Wait, huh?

Darth Vader: Seven years old. And what have you done? Look at yourself. No hand. No job. And you couldn’t even levitate your own ship out of the swamp…

Luke: But… I destroyed your precious Death Star!

Darth Vader: But that was when you were 20! When I was 10, I single-handedly destroyed an entire Trade Federation Droid Control ship!

Luke: Well, it’s not my fault…

Darth Vader: Oh, here we go… “Poor me… my father never gave me what I wanted for my birthday… boo hoo, my daddy’s the Dark Lord of the Sith… Nobody loved me… waahhh wahhh!”

Luke: Shut up!

Darth Vader: You’re a slacker! By the time I was your age, I had already exterminated the Jedi knights!

Luke: I used to race my T-16 through Beggar’s Canyon.

Darth Vader: Oh, for the love of the Emperor… 10 years old, winner of the Boonta Eve Open… the only human to ever fly a Pod Racer… right here baby!

Luke looks down the shaft. Takes a step towards it.

Darth Vader: I was wrong… You’re not my kid… I don’t know whose you are, but you sure ain’t mine.

Luke takes a step off the platform, hesitates, then plunges down the shaft. Darth Vader looks down after him.

Darth Vader: And get a haircut! You look like a hippy!

Forget American Idol!

Monday, March 21st, 2011

It’s the newest craze hitting the streets since kids started doing whip-its. Want your kid to be the next Biebs or Hannah Montana? I know, you are probably saying to yourself “But my kid is tone deaf and sounds like Marlee Matlin when they try and sing…” That doesn’t matter! All you need is $2000 and a lack of dignity and respect for yourself, child and family and they will auto-tune the shit of your little angles voice! Your kid can sing about being an “Ordinary Pop Star” or teach other young’ins about the days of the week. Did you know that Saturday comes after Friday and then comes Sunday? I wouldn’t have known unless Rebecca Black taught me and let me tell you, once I found out I was so excited. I, I, I so excited!

Review: Final Fantasy XIII (PS3)

Monday, March 15th, 2010

This weekend I spent the better part of 10 hours or so playing the shit out of Final Fantasy XIII. It was extremely crappy out with the rain and we had no plans to go out and do anything on the count that our Dog had just gotten spayed on Friday so it was the perfect opportunity to “test drive” my new game. Overall I would give it a B+ Grade and here is why.

The graphics and cinematography are hands down the most stunning thing I have seen to date whether it is PC or Console. This is judging solely off of the PS3 version of the game which was developed in 1080i Full High Definition whereas the 360 version was only created in 576p which is actually a Standard Definition resolution.  The fluid motions are outstanding and the fact that cut-scenes and battles transfer flawlessly is incredible. No matter if you dislike the game play or the storyline behind the game, it is hands down worth it to play just for the visuals alone.

The story itself can get a bit confusing and I suggest reading up about it first on Wiki or following the in-game Datalog. From what I have seen and played thus far, once I pieced it all together I liked the concept of the story. All lot of it though is still a mystery for me.  As for the characters, here is a breakdown in my own interpretation for you.

Lightning – Light is the essential main character and leader of the group whom I believe to be a Lesbian. No chick can be that bad ass unless she is a full on Dyke. Let me rephrase that cause there are quite a few chicks out there who are uber bad ass and also Straight. No chick who can wield a sword can be that bad ass unless she is a Dyke. Seriously, how many ladies with swords do you know that aren’t total Lesbos or at the very least Bi?

Snow – For me, Snow is that douchie “Hey look at me! I am cool!” guy that you just want to punch in the face. While he tries to be the Hero and play it cool, he kind of comes off as a bit of a tool in the process.

Vanille – You know those extremely overly happy religious people who think everything is just so peachy and perfect? That is Vanille minus the religious aspect. And I wouldn’t put it past her to be the slut of the group. I mean have you seen what she wears? The pigtails alone scream “I’m a dirty little tramp!” not to mention the fact that she sounds like she is getting drilled in the pooper every time she casts a spell. You probably think I am gross and over exaggerating, but just wait and play the game to see for yourself.

Sazh – If Murtaugh from the Lethal Weapon series were placed in a Final Fantasy game, you would have Sazh. With lines about how old he is and how he is too old to be doing this shit, it clearly makes sense that Danny Glover was the inspiration for this character.

Hope – Hope is the whiney weakling of the group with a vendetta against Snow who he feels is the reason for his Mother’s death at the start of the game. I refer to him as “pussy faggot” in a Russian accent when he is on screen.

Fang – I haven’t gotten far enough in the game yet to play as her.  All I know is that she too is a l’Cie and she eventually joins your party.

The battle engine is where the grade dropped from being an overall A or A- to a B+ for me. Regardless of how many people you have in your party, only three can actively participate in battles. Also you only control the Leader of the group while the rest are on an auto-pilot system and act independently on their own. I get it, but it makes me a little irked mainly because I am one of those guys that likes to have control over everything when I play games like this. The only exception to this is that you can switch the characters Paradigms throughout battle, which I will get to in just a minute. The end all slap in the face “fuck you” from Square-Enix however is that when the Character you control dies, the game ends. Who cares if the other two are still very much alive and active, if you die you are S.O.L. my friends. The only upside to this is that if you do die in battle you get to resume playing right at the start of the fight and not the last Save Point you accessed.

You do not gain Experience Points (XP) and level like you do in most other RPGs. Instead you earn Crystal Points (CP) that you can use in the Crystarium System which resembles the Sphere Grid in Final Fantasy X if you are familiar with that game. CP is used to unlock abilities and increase attributes such as HP, Strength, MP, etc. Every character has a Crystarium, and within it, different sections corresponding to each Role or Paradigm the character has available.

As stated just above, the only exception to your party members acting on their own is the option to change their Paradigms. There are six in total that you can choose from; Commando, Ravager, Sentinel, Synergist, Saboteur and Medic.

Commandos – These are your Melee characters who use mainly physical attacks.

Ravagers – These are your Spellcasters of the group who use elemental abilities like Fire, Aero, and Water.

Sentinels – These are your provokers and kind of act like Tanks from my understanding for your MMO nerds out there.

Synergists – These are the guys that buff your character and enhance their Allies Physical and Magical Defenses along with a few other things.

Saboteurs – These characters debuff enemies lowering their Physical and Magical Defense and can also Poison as well.

Medics – These are your healers of the group plain and simple. When you’re hurt they will heal you.

Certain Paradigms can only used by certain characters or can be unlocked as the game progresses, but you can preset them prior to battle. Also you can switch them as often as you want during battle by pressing the L1 button. I like to have a nice mix in place so I can have all attackers, two attackers with a healer, attackers and enhancers, and so on and so forth.

Like I said, with the exception of a few things within the Battle Engine of the game which I am sure I will get used to and grow to enjoy, FFXIII is something I will definitely lose many hours and many relationships over.

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