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In Honor of St. Patrick’s Day…

I give you drunk chicks… and a drunk dude. He used to wear girls jeans so I figured it counted.

I love drunk people. They always find it necessary to give retarded poses for the camera.

In the words of Garth Algar, “If you’re going to spew, spew in this…”

Remember kids, don’t drink and drive!

I am guessing she had a pretty good time the night prior.

At least she was smart enough to sleep it off before she decided to drive.

Never EVER be the first one to pass out at a party or this will be the end result.

This is the end result of having two kids and only getting out once a year.

I like drunk Craig. Get a few drinks in him and he will pretty much do whatever you tell him.

Posted by: Tim Kamen On March 17th, 2010 Filed Under Randomness | Post Your Comments

Woman Aims to be Worlds Fattest

I just read the most disturbing story EVER and had to share it with you all.

Donna Simpson, from New Jersey, weighs 602lbs. but told the Daily Mail newspaper she had her heart set on reaching her goal weight of 1000lbs. in two years.

The 42-year-old already holds the title of the “World’s Fattest Mother” title after giving birth to her daughter in 2007 when she weighed 531lbs.

“I’d love to be 1000lb … it might be hard though, running after my daughter keeps my weight down,” Ms. Simpson told the Daily Mail.

Simpson, who needs a mobility scooter to go shopping, eats huge amounts of junk food each week and tries to move as little as possible so she doesn’t burn off as many calories.

“I do love cakes and sweet things, doughnuts are my favorite,” she said.

Ms. Simpson said she also loved eating Sushi and would often eat 70 big pieces in one go.

Her 49-year-old partner Philippe — who she met on a dating site for plus-size people — was encouraging her to reach her goal, she said.

“I think he’d like it if I was bigger … he’s a real belly man and completely supports me,” she said.

To put on enough weight, Donna will need to eat 12,000 calories a day, which is six times the recommended daily intake for women.

In order to pay for the enormous amounts of food she is eating — her weekly grocery bill is $815 — Ms. Simpson makes money by running a website where men pay to watch her consume fast food.

I am fat, and this is wrong on so many levels. I do find it funny that they refer to her as “Ms. Simpson” as there is no way in hell anyone would want to marry someone like that. It says she is attached and has a significant other, but I doubt it. The fact people encourage her by paying to watch her gorge on fast food via the Web is messed up.  I normally don’t say shit like this, but I kinda hope she has a Heart Attack and leaves her kid parent-less so she doesn’t have her Mother as a role model.

Posted by: Tim Kamen On March 15th, 2010 Filed Under In the News | Post Your Comments

Review: Final Fantasy XIII (PS3)

This weekend I spent the better part of 10 hours or so playing the shit out of Final Fantasy XIII. It was extremely crappy out with the rain and we had no plans to go out and do anything on the count that our Dog had just gotten spayed on Friday so it was the perfect opportunity to “test drive” my new game. Overall I would give it a B+ Grade and here is why.

The graphics and cinematography are hands down the most stunning thing I have seen to date whether it is PC or Console. This is judging solely off of the PS3 version of the game which was developed in 1080i Full High Definition whereas the 360 version was only created in 576p which is actually a Standard Definition resolution.  The fluid motions are outstanding and the fact that cut-scenes and battles transfer flawlessly is incredible. No matter if you dislike the game play or the storyline behind the game, it is hands down worth it to play just for the visuals alone.

The story itself can get a bit confusing and I suggest reading up about it first on Wiki or following the in-game Datalog. From what I have seen and played thus far, once I pieced it all together I liked the concept of the story. All lot of it though is still a mystery for me.  As for the characters, here is a breakdown in my own interpretation for you.

Lightning – Light is the essential main character and leader of the group whom I believe to be a Lesbian. No chick can be that bad ass unless she is a full on Dyke. Let me rephrase that cause there are quite a few chicks out there who are uber bad ass and also Straight. No chick who can wield a sword can be that bad ass unless she is a Dyke. Seriously, how many ladies with swords do you know that aren’t total Lesbos or at the very least Bi?

Snow – For me, Snow is that douchie “Hey look at me! I am cool!” guy that you just want to punch in the face. While he tries to be the Hero and play it cool, he kind of comes off as a bit of a tool in the process.

Vanille – You know those extremely overly happy religious people who think everything is just so peachy and perfect? That is Vanille minus the religious aspect. And I wouldn’t put it past her to be the slut of the group. I mean have you seen what she wears? The pigtails alone scream “I’m a dirty little tramp!” not to mention the fact that she sounds like she is getting drilled in the pooper every time she casts a spell. You probably think I am gross and over exaggerating, but just wait and play the game to see for yourself.

Sazh – If Murtaugh from the Lethal Weapon series were placed in a Final Fantasy game, you would have Sazh. With lines about how old he is and how he is too old to be doing this shit, it clearly makes sense that Danny Glover was the inspiration for this character.

Hope – Hope is the whiney weakling of the group with a vendetta against Snow who he feels is the reason for his Mother’s death at the start of the game. I refer to him as “pussy faggot” in a Russian accent when he is on screen.

Fang – I haven’t gotten far enough in the game yet to play as her.  All I know is that she too is a l’Cie and she eventually joins your party.

The battle engine is where the grade dropped from being an overall A or A- to a B+ for me. Regardless of how many people you have in your party, only three can actively participate in battles. Also you only control the Leader of the group while the rest are on an auto-pilot system and act independently on their own. I get it, but it makes me a little irked mainly because I am one of those guys that likes to have control over everything when I play games like this. The only exception to this is that you can switch the characters Paradigms throughout battle, which I will get to in just a minute. The end all slap in the face “fuck you” from Square-Enix however is that when the Character you control dies, the game ends. Who cares if the other two are still very much alive and active, if you die you are S.O.L. my friends. The only upside to this is that if you do die in battle you get to resume playing right at the start of the fight and not the last Save Point you accessed.

You do not gain Experience Points (XP) and level like you do in most other RPGs. Instead you earn Crystal Points (CP) that you can use in the Crystarium System which resembles the Sphere Grid in Final Fantasy X if you are familiar with that game. CP is used to unlock abilities and increase attributes such as HP, Strength, MP, etc. Every character has a Crystarium, and within it, different sections corresponding to each Role or Paradigm the character has available.

As stated just above, the only exception to your party members acting on their own is the option to change their Paradigms. There are six in total that you can choose from; Commando, Ravager, Sentinel, Synergist, Saboteur and Medic.

Commandos – These are your Melee characters who use mainly physical attacks.

Ravagers – These are your Spellcasters of the group who use elemental abilities like Fire, Aero, and Water.

Sentinels – These are your provokers and kind of act like Tanks from my understanding for your MMO nerds out there.

Synergists – These are the guys that buff your character and enhance their Allies Physical and Magical Defenses along with a few other things.

Saboteurs – These characters debuff enemies lowering their Physical and Magical Defense and can also Poison as well.

Medics – These are your healers of the group plain and simple. When you’re hurt they will heal you.

Certain Paradigms can only used by certain characters or can be unlocked as the game progresses, but you can preset them prior to battle. Also you can switch them as often as you want during battle by pressing the L1 button. I like to have a nice mix in place so I can have all attackers, two attackers with a healer, attackers and enhancers, and so on and so forth.

Like I said, with the exception of a few things within the Battle Engine of the game which I am sure I will get used to and grow to enjoy, FFXIII is something I will definitely lose many hours and many relationships over.

Posted by: Tim Kamen On March 15th, 2010 Filed Under Media & Entertainment | Post Your Comments

Weight Loss Update: Week 5

This weekend my Mom was bitching at me saying “Timmy! Your ass is falling out of your pants! Pull them up or wear a belt!” I was wearing a belt and it was on the tightest notch too. The reason I was looking like a fool with my pants on the ground was because this week I lost ten pounds bitches! I honestly don’t know how as I didn’t go to the gym once this week. I know I am bad, but I was so busy the majority of the week after work and just had no time. I did however watch my calorie intake each and every day like I said I would by eating no more then 2500 calories. The first day sucked ass because my body wasn’t used to eating such small meals, but I did some tweaking and fine tuning after realizing I was going to be under my 2500 calorie intake by 700 or so. I was able to increase things slightly to where I felt full and not stuffed or sick because my stomach was practically empty. All in all I feel good about myself and am looking forward to seeing how things go from here on out.

Starting Weight: 389.2lbs.
Current Weight: 379.2lbs.
Difference: -10lbs.

Goal Weight: 225.8lbs.

Posted by: Tim Kamen On March 15th, 2010 Filed Under Weight Loss | 1 Comment

I Love Butt Drugs!

Posted by: Tim Kamen On March 9th, 2010 Filed Under Randomness | Post Your Comments

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